House Of Secrets

I knew at 13 one thing for sure and two things for certain 1.) “this is not my life” and 2.) I will be the change I wish to see in this world by breaking the silence. At 10 years old when I was becoming more fluent in English and living on Indian Territory with my first language Cherokee my grandmother passed away only after confessing on her death bed that she took the life of her baby sister when she was a child, in December of 1996 my aunt who raised me passed away and confessed a similar act of taking the life of her baby sister before my mother was born.

As so many of you know my mother passed when I was 8 years old, my dad left when I was 6 months old. I fought my way into this world as my mother attempted to abort me three times, I am truly grateful for all of these life events because it has made me who I am today and given me to you as each of you continue to so graciously welcome me into your hearts as family and for this I am most humbled with gratitude because each of you are unique in my life as each of you inspire me to be a better person as I continue to grow everyday… and today I choose to live in gratitude and forgiveness. It is beautiful to see others share their high regards coming from a place of gratitude… I LOVE YOU…

This is only one small piece of the puzzle and just maybe this explains why I love to ride because as I have posted so many times before most endurance athletes are running away from something inside of themselves (that’s why we do what we do). You are running away from it in order to run into it forcing yourself to face your deepest fears, confronting your demons and conquering them only to find your true strength you have always possessed to find it’s way to the surface. When you are on your bicycle for hours it is not a physical challenge as much as it is a psychological challenge because things from your past and deep within your subconscious arise and appear right in front of your eyes, you are forced to deal with it. It is a controlled breakdown, can you stay on the bike even when you are crying in pain from the demons of your past and the breakdown of glycogen and lactic acid build up in your physical taxation, when you feel you can’t go any further will you quit or will you choose to step up, set a new standard and defy all odds? it is in this moment that your character is defined by staying in it and staying on the bike when you feel you are suffering at max capacity of all physical and mental limits, will you decide to stay to achieve the awakening in your soul, your true self at the core level is waiting for you to show up for your dreams and become extraordinary! Remember a life lived in fear is a life half lived…

“A note to my family,… I know they raised me the only way they knew how and I appreciate them for it. I know they loved me even though words were not spoken. “I can’t hear you because your actions speak so loudly!” I do not need permission to love, I do not need reciprocation and I do not require validation… I love you…”

~Lisa Christiansen